Mail Fight

I found this e-mail brawl between Judd Apatow and Mark Brazill related to an article at Jezebel.com. (http://jezebel.com/5971576/judd-apatows-mini+twitter-breakdown-is-proof-that-the-internet-pisses-us-all-off?utm_campaign=socialflow_jezebel_facebook&utm_source=jezebel_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow&post=55626712) OMG that is the best mail fight i´ve ever read and i laughted out loud at least 15 times... Here it is:

>*********************************
 >Mark,
 >
 >I am writing you because I left a message but did not hear back. I
 >understand from Gail Berman that you were upset about me not calling you to
 >ask if Topher could do our show. Since Fox executives were talking to
 >Topher about it I thought it was cool with you. Also, since I hadn't
 >written it yet, I wasn't at the point of asking if it was possible to have
 >him do it. I would have called your show then. I mentioned the names of
 >several people who were interested in doing cameos on our show to the
 >Variety guy. They decided to only mention Topher. Maybe I shouldn't have
 >mentioned it. I didn't realize it would create a problem. I never wished
 >to offend you. If there is some protocol to people on Fox doing guest shots
 >on other Fox shows, I didn't know what it was. Regardless, I'm sorry that
 >this resulted in such a mess. If you are mad at me about this or something
 >else from our past, please tell me. I only remember us having fun in the
 >early nineties and it troubles me that it seems like you have a beef with
 >me.
 >Best regards,
 >Judd Apatow
 >----------------------------------------------------------------------------
 >--------------------------------
 >Judd,
 >
 >Yeah, we were friends in the early nineties. And if you don't recall what
 >happened, I'll remind you. I had a pilot at MTV called "Yard Dogs" about a
 >rock band living in Hollywood. I told you about it and you proceeded to
 >completely rip it off, storyline and all, for the Ben Stiller show. You
 >called it "Grungies." MTV and UTA were working on an overall deal (MTV's
 >idea) with me, based on that pilot. When it turned up on your show
 >everything went away overnight. I had just had my son Jack and I had no
 >job, no money, nothing. There's a saying, "I forgive but I don't forget.
 >And I don't forgive." So, now you know. Although I kind of think that you
 >already did.
 >-Mark
 >
 >------------------------------------------------------------
 >
 >Mark,
 >I truly don't remember anything you are talking about. Jeff Kahn wrote The
 >Grungies sketch, a parody where we did Seattle bands as The Monkey's. I
 >don't remember you ever calling me after that saying you were mad. Ben and
 >I would get fifty sketches a week from the writers and then we'd pick the
 >one's that we thought were funny. I never connected the two. Even now they
 >don't seem similar. Ours was a goofy over the top parody, not a situation
 >comedy about musicians in LA. Nobody watched our show so I don't see how
 >that could be the reason your pilot died. That sketch aired once up against
 >60 Minutes, so it didn't have any impact in town. I am sorry you are upset.
 >I am not a thief of ideas. I'm sorry you believe differently.
 >Judd Apatow
 >
 >----------------------------------------------------------------------------
 >--------------------------------
 >Judd,
 >The show I wrote was also over the top and it let down the fourth wall.
 >Since it's registered at the WGA, you could compare the two. And as an Exec
 >Producer, we both know you have input into every sketch. As for no one
 >seeing the show everyone knows everything in Hollywood. There are no
 >secrets. Personally, I feel you've made a career out of being a sycophant
 to
 >Carrey or Shandling or Roseanne and when you weren't kissing ass, you were
 >stealing from lesser known comics or leeching off other people's ideas
 >(Celtic Pride, Cable Guy). I noticed how outraged you were to not get a
 >writing credit on Cable Guy until it came out and was panned. You dropped
 >that cause like the showbiz weasel you are. You may not think you're a
 thief
 >but most comics know otherwise. And again, you know that too. Have you ever
 >read "What Makes Sammy Run"? I think you'd like it. Get cancer.
 >Love,
 >Mark
 >----------------------------------------------------------------------------
 >-------------------------------
 >Mark,
 >Come on, we all wrote for comics at the beginning of our careers. I wrote
 >for Roseanne, you wrote for Dennis Miller. If that makes me a sycophant,
 >then I guess I am. And so are the writers for Caesar's Hour. I dropped my
 >Cable Guy law suit not because the film got bad reviews, but because I
 spent
 >eighty grand on it and my lawyer told me I was going to lose. You would be
 >upset if you re-wrote the vast majority of a script and received no credit.
 >I wish you had called me about this years ago. I'm sure we could have
 >worked it out. Try not to be so angry. Not everyone is as bad as you
 >think. You should call Jeff Kahn and ask him how that sketch originated.
 >If it turned out that I didn't steal your idea would you still want me to
 >get cancer? I swear to God that I didn't know you were mad about this.
 >Until six weeks ago I was still referring to you as an old friend. Maybe
 >one day I'll be able to say that again.
 >Judd Apatow
 >----------------------------------------------------------------------------
 >--------------------------------
 >
 >Mark,
 > It's come to my attention that you are upset with Judd Apatow about the
 >sketch, "The Grungies." I completely understand why you would have been
 >pissed off about seeing something similar to what you were working on at
 the
 >time. However, the idea for, "The Grungies," and all the initial writing
 >and rewriting came from me. I also cast it, acted in it and edited it. I
 >was and still am influenced by pop music and I thought it would be funny to
 >satirize the seriousness of the Seattle grunge music scene with the
 >ridiculous superficiality of "The Monkees" 1960s show. I hope that this
 >clears up any misunderstanding.
 >By the way, I am a huge fan of "That 70's Show." Congratulations on its
 >well deserved success. I also think it's cool you set it in Wisconsin. I
 >went to the University of Wisconsin at Madison and loved it.
 >If you have any other questions don't hesitate to E-mail me.
 >Jeff Kahn
 >
 >----------------------------------------------------------------------------
 >--------------------------------
 >
 >-----------------
 >
 >
 >Mark,
 >I have no interest in talking with you on the phone any more. I know you
 >are very successful and think that gives you the right to judge people and
 >berate them regardless of the facts, but I have had enough of you for one
 >day. I know it's hard to believe that your rock band TV idea, which every
 >writer in this town has thought of at one point, was not on my mind half a
 >year after you told it to me. Yes, you thought of breaking the fourth wall.
 >Groucho and George Burns stole it from you. Maybe you should sue Bernie
 >Mac. Why don't you sue the guys who have that new show "How To Be A Rock
 >Star" on the WB. I must have told them your idea. Nobody has ever goofed
 >on rock bands, not Spinal Tap or The Rutles or 800 Saturday Night Live
 >sketches. I should have told everyone on the show, no rock band sketches,
 >that's Brazil's area. So hold on to your hate and rage, even though it
 >makes no sense. I'll go back to my life of thievery and leaching. As for
 >the cancer, I'll wait till you get it and then steal it from you. By the
 >way, that joke was one of my writer's, Rodney Rothman (see I credited him).
 >See, I have no original thoughts. Sorry I bothered to figure this out.
 >Judd
 >----------------------------------------------------------------------------
 >--------------------------------
 >Judd
 >How appropriate that you had to use someone else's joke to take a swipe at
 >me. I told you my idea. You did it two weeks later, VERBATIM. Spew
 >revisionist shit all you want. Everyone knows you're a hack. Also, everyone
 >knows how you fucked over Paul Feig on the new show. All your press
 mentions
 >"your" brilliant Freaks and Geeks, as if Feig didn't even do the series. It
 >must have killed you when the true genius behind it got nominated for an
 >Emmy. Is your wife still livid about someone in the neighborhood building a
 >house just like hers? Tell her I know how she feels. The reason I called
 >was to tell you to piss off. We'll never be "friends", regardless of the
 >pussy whining from your last e-mail. I respect you zero.
 >See ya at the upfronts, bitch!
 >Well...unless you get canceled before that.
 >Until then, die in a fiery accident and taste your own blood.
 >(Is that too angry?)
 >Love, Brazill
 >
 >
 >----------------------------------------------------------------------------
 >--------------------------------
 >Mark,
 >
 >I hope your anger is a joke, because if it isn't...wow. Here's a line by
 >line reply. I have starred (*) the replies if you are confused by my
 >format.
 >
 >How appropriate that you had to use someone else's joke to take a swipe at
 >me.
 >
 >***That was the joke. How interesting that you couldn't understand that.
 >You would think someone with the lineage of "Yard Dogs" would have the
 >intellectual acumen to pick up on that. I feel for the writers that have to
 >pitch to you. Never doubt how much they hate you.
 >
 >I told you my idea. You did it two weeks later, VERBATIM. Spew
 >revisionist shit all you want.
 >
 >***How could I hear your idea, steal it, and then have it air two weeks
 >later? It was a filmed sketch show . Sketches were written months before
 >they aired. They were filmed six weeks before they aired. I thought you
 >were a producer. Shouldn't you understand how these shows are made? Do you
 >start writing episodes two weeks before they air? Maybe you stole "Yard
 >Dogs" from me.
 >
 >Everyone knows you're a hack.
 >
 >***That's why I kiss the ass. Let me know who thinks I am a hack so I can
 >kiss their ass as well. I also suck dick lately. That's how I got my
 >Dreamworks deal.
 >
 >Also, everyone
 >knows how you fucked over Paul Feig on the new show. All your press
 mentions
 >"your" brilliant Freaks and Geeks, as if Feig didn't even do the series. It
 >must have killed you when the true genius behind it got nominated for an
 >Emmy.
 >
 >***I'm sure it's hard for you to believe, but I do not control the national
 >media. That is only true in your paranoid mind. If I create a show they
 >often mention the last show. If you create a new show by yourself, I doubt
 >they will spend a lot of time talking about the Turners. When they write
 >about "That 80's Show" I am sure they won't ever mention "That 70's Show."
 >I wrote an entire article in the LA Times, a cover story in the calendar,
 >that credited Paul for his work. He went from a struggling actor to an
 >established writer/producer over the course of a year. He is still my
 >friend and I am very happy that he was nominated for two Emmy's. He
 >deserved it. I wasn't upset about his Emmy nominations, I already have
 >enough. The certificates are so big you can only hang so many before it
 >starts looking tacky.
 >
 >
 >Is your wife still livid about someone in the neighborhood building a
 >house just like hers?
 >
 >*** Yes.
 >
 >Tell her I know how she feels.
 >
 >***I'm on it.
 >
 >The reason I called
 >was to tell you to piss off. We'll never be "friends," regardless of the
 >pussy whining from your last e-mail.
 >
 >***The funniest part of these e mails is how bad your sense of humor is.
 >You neither get nor can tell a joke. After you said "get cancer" did you
 >really think I was looking to heal our relationship? Usually the cancer
 >insult is a closer. I'm sure everyone who has suffered with that
 >appreciates your sharp wit.
 >
 >I respect you zero.
 >
 >***Oh no.
 >
 >See ya at the upfronts, bitch!
 >Well...unless you get canceled before that.
 >
 >***If you think cancellation hurts me at this point, you haven't been
 >following my career as closely as I thought. I guess you are too busy
 >tracking my real estate problems.
 >
 >Until then, die in a fiery accident and taste your own blood.
 >
 >***That's a Sam Kinison line you stupid fuck!!!! Hypocrite!!!!
 >J'accuse!!!!
 >
 >(Is that too angry?)
 >Love, Brazill
 >
 >
 >***Mark, I have enjoyed this. It's good to see the tragedies of the past
 >few months haven't watered down your passion. I guess if Mark Brazill
 >doesn't go insane over stuff that makes no sense, the terrorists win.
 >Good luck with "That 80's Show." And I look forward to "That 90's Show."
 >
 >Judd Apatow
 >
 >